Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria .

A teacher asks her class to use the word ¡®contagious¡¯.
Roland the class swot, gets up and says, ¡°Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.
¡°Well done, Roland¡± says the teacher. ¡°Can anyone else try?¡±

One a sunday morning a man was found murdered. Police asked questions and following were the answers:
Cook was cooking, Gardener was picking vegetables, Maid was gone to take the mail, Butler was cleaning the room.
Police immediately arrested the murderer?

Once a man�0„3�0…4s wife gets pregnant and is rushed to a hospital.
Unfortunately, the man was out of the city , whenhe got a call from the doctor to inform him about his wife.
He hung up but unfortunately he didnt know howto redail, so he tried to remember the number and called, the number was incorrect and went toan umpires phone(a man who keeps the score of a cricket match like a referee)
The man asked the umpire not knowing who wason the other line and said: �0„3¡ãWhat is the condition?�0„3¡À, The umpire replied, �0„3¡ã4 are out!�0„3¡À, �0„3¡ã8 are going to be out soon.�0„3¡À

Three men are wanting a job, so they go to a job center.
The 1st man(bob) walks in and says ¡± I m looking for a job , can you help me?¡±
The man says ¡°Yeah sure, just walk outside and scream as loud as you can!¡± So bob goes out side and screams, he walks back and and says to the man ¡± Can i have a job now?¡± the man says ¡°Yeah,just tell me how many letters are in the alphabet,Bob says 26, the man says ¡± Well done!¡± You¡¯ve got a job just go and wait in the room beside me here,and i will be with you as soon as possible.
So bob goes into the room.

A man was walking down the beach and he saw a girl with no arms and no legs crying, he asked the girl why are you crying.
She said, ¡°I have never been hugged before¡±.
He said, ¡°I will hug you¡± , so he hugs her and walks away.
Next day the man walking down the same part ofthe beach and he sees the girl crying, so he askes her whats wrong, she says, ¡°I have never been kissed before¡±.

There was a woman that was pregnant with three triplets and she was walking past the grocery store when a robber comes out and shoots her three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to the hospital three months later she has her triplets.
Six years later one of her triplets comes up to her and says ¡°mom I went to the washroom and a bullet came out¡± and she said ¡°its a long story I¡¯ll have to tell you later¡±.

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, ¡°little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?¡± and the little girl said, ¡°an apple came down and killed my new kitty¡±. Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, ¡°littleboy, little boy, why are you crying?¡± and the little boy said, ¡°a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy.¡± Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughingher butt off. They asked, ¡°why are you laughing so hard?¡± and the blonde said, ¡°I farted and the building behind me blew up!!¡±

Three men of different nationalities walk into a bar. Each order a glass of Scotch. Each glass has a fly in it.
The Englishmen pushes the glass aside with his nose in the air and demands a new drink.
The Scottish man picks the fly out and drinks.