View Full Version : Funny Jokes ^Daily Update^
Sep 4th, 2011, 06:04 PM
A priest is walking down the street one day whenhe notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching Little Johnny’s efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:15 PM
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. “Your on!”, he says.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:17 PM
A man, want to lose some of his excess weight.So he visited the local doctor.
John: Can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course! Just Cut your head off.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:21 PM
One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife ¡°Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!¡± His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn¡¯t let such a comment go unrewarded.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:23 PM
During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:25 PM
Tell Yo mama that I’m mad at her… and her jagged teeth. A circumcision is a one time procedure and I’ve already had mine.
Tell Yo mama to stop wearing green lipstick, my balls are starting to look like ninja turtles.
Tell Yo mama to stop wearing blue lipstick, my balls look like Smurfs.
Tell Yo mama to send me some makeup remover,I can’t get her lipstick off me.
Tell Yo mama that the tip’s under the pillow.
Sep 5th, 2011, 02:29 PM
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the
longest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity.”
Sep 5th, 2011, 05:24 PM
Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
She refuses to let you milk her, saying “Not on thefirst date.”
Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow’s body.
Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
Your cow insists that evaporated milk comes from dehydrated cows.
She starts giving you Milk of Magnesia.
Sep 5th, 2011, 05:26 PM
An architect, engineer and owner decide to design a building. The architect asks the owner what style of building he wants. The owner describes the building down to each detail for thearchitect. The architect spends a day drawing a cartoon of the building and submits it to the owner for review. The owner looks at the drawings and hates everything he sees. A week has passed and the owner has made the architectgo back and redraw his picture several times before the owner reluctantly agrees on how the building should look.
Sep 5th, 2011, 05:29 PM
There were three pigs.
The first pig went to a bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left.
The second pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left.
The third pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and was just going to leave and the bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom and the third little pig said “No I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home”
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